Commuting in NYC 101

If you’re working or interning in NYC for the first time, you’ve probably figured out by now that romantically running out into the middle of the street and shouting, “Taxi!” (once) so that 5 different yellow cabs screech to a halt is not how you’ll be getting around the city. Instead, you’ll be taking on the ultimate test of your patience (but thankfully not of your wallet!): the NYC subway system.

Of course if you’ve used public transportation before, there are a lot of things that are translatable (downloading a transportation app, budgeting subway money, remembering when to refill your card, etc.), but the NYC subway system is a different brand of crazy — you’ll definitely want to know what to expect. Here is a list of the things no one tells you when you first swipe your Metro card at the turnstile.

Rush hour is a regular occurrence all day, every day.

If you work weekends and hop on the subway on a Sunday at 3 pm thinking that you’re in for a relaxing, crowd-free ride, don’t be surprised that about 1,000,000 other people are thinking the same thing.

The type of delay announcement is indicative of how long you’ll be waiting while on a train.

If the announcement begins, “Ladies and gentlemen, we are being held momentarily by the train’s conductor…” then that means you’ll usually be moving in about 10 seconds or less.

If the announcement begins, “Ladies and gentlemen, because of an earlier incident…” whip out your iPhone now.

New Yorkers are not phased by anything on the subway.

It doesn’t matter if there are drums, off-key saxophone performances, gyrating dances or apocalyptic warnings about the flames of damnation. Everyone is just like, “K.”

If there’s an empty car on an otherwise crowded train, there’s a reason for that.

That reason being that a homeless man just dropped a #2, and you’ll never breathe the same again, so basically, if you see space, it’s a trap.

If you see a group of lean, muscular adolescents with a boombox-shaped bag get onto the train…

Your Step Up 2 fantasies are about to come true, so move toward either end of the car (‘cause a potential concussion is not cool #justsayin).

If you live near the L line,

You should know that the L has been under quite a bit of construction lately. Checking the simplest site in the history of the Internet will let you know if you need to give up and work from home today.

If you live near the G line,

May God have mercy on your soul.

If your commute falls through one of these stations,

Then you will actually be able to email your boss ahead of time that you’re running late/that the train was delayed as opposed to shaving years off of your life wondering if the NYC subway system marks the beginning of the end of your career.

Welcome to the city!